STOP Believing Everything Your Mind Tells You!

Did you know we often dismiss new opportunities even when they may benefit us because something about them triggers us or feels completely foreign?

Statistics show that we usually fall in love with people who are similar to us. They go as far as stating that if we had a choice to save a life between two people, we humans would most likely save the one who is most like us.

When it comes to matters of the heart, perhaps it is true that most people fall in love with those who are similar to them. After all, there are so many couples who look so alike that most people think they are siblings.

But what about the opportunities that send our nervous system into flight or fight mode with just the idea of them? Why are we so against people who feel foreign to us? Why do we have the immediate need to dismiss them?

When this happens, your nervous system will do anything possible to make you go to the familiar because the new will feel threatening.

Unfortunately, this is the very same reason why victims of abuse stay with their abusers. Your brain knows what you show it. If you feed it with positivity, it will feel safe with that, but if you feed it with toxicity, that is what it will consider safe, although, in reality, it may be killing you.

It is the reason why, a majority of the time, children with abusive parents end up with abusive partners. Subconsciously, their mind knows the behavior and patterns as "home." Is this starting to make sense yet? Ultimately, in most cases, they will be attracted to these patterns and do not even see where they lead initially. This is why so many stay stuck in patterns that no longer serve them. Even when they try to make progress, they self-sabotage. They have not consciously connected the dots.

This issue extends beyond just abuse; it is also deeply rooted in cultural beliefs. I know this firsthand because I come from a village on an island in Greece where dating was out of the question, more so for the generations before mine, and you had to marry from your village. The consequences of your parents finding out you even talked to someone you shouldn't have were not ones I care to share in this blog post.

While things have changed today, these beliefs were so ingrained in children's identities that if they fell in love with someone from outside their village or island, they often felt like failures in their parents' eyes because that was indeed how the parents would want them to feel. Unless, of course, it was to their benefit. Again, today, things are so different that if you marry someone within the island - it's like hitting the lotto for some families. Back then, though, in many cases, not only did they have to be from the village, but they had to be from specific families. The struggle was real! Some had no choice in who they married; it was all arranged.

Luckily, my parents did want each other. My maternal grandparents eloped, my paternal grandparents married as tradition had it, and my paternal grandfather's parents eloped as well. My great-grandmother, Chrysanthi, was from the island of Kastelorizo. I guess it's safe to say that love plays a huge part in my life and all I do. Perhaps that is why my nervous system would never allow me to marry by arrangement. It does feel threatening whenever someone wants to set me up, and maybe this is the very reason why. After all, they say, so much is passed down through our DNA, such as generational trauma and stress, so why not generational love?

(There is so much to say on this topic, but as an old professor said once, "Some information should be delivered in a different format.")

This is just another example of what you teach your nervous system, which is what it will know. For some, it worked, and they lived happily ever after, while others divorced. It was much easier for the generations who lived in the village to marry from there because that was all they knew back then. However, the traditions are going strong even today across the world - although many have married outside the village, the island, and even of other cultures - they bring their kids back, and some even have hopes their kids will marry from there. I mean, the island is one of the best-kept secrets of the Meditterean, and yeah, it is home. We love it there, so I get it.

As humans, it is natural for us to evolve, yet what our parents or caregivers have taught us is embedded within our nervous system—our foundation. Unfortunately, this is not always a solid foundation. Sometimes, it is so rocky that it prevents us from exploring new ways and leads us back to the old ones only because it feels familiar. Yet, it prevents us from finding our happiness or reaching our potential.

After a certain point, you need to take matters into your own hands and stop believing everything your mind tells you because it only repeats the narrative - you have allowed it to know.

Unless you consciously acknowledge the patterns, you will recycle the same exact conclusions but with different faces and places. You need to do the work. You have to figure out what is keeping you stagnant.

The reality is that this can also apply to toxic relationship habits. Some people continuously end up in relationships with people they will never settle down with only because it is an easy escape for them as they do not get emotionally attached. They are fully aware they will have instant gratification physically, but emotionally, they are not invested. These behaviors are known as escapism. Psychologically, escapism is a coping mechanism where individuals seek distractions and relief from unpleasant realities. In this case, it is problematic as they often seek to avoid and neglect real-life responsibilities or their true feelings. They have a fear of being vulnerable, and this, again, is usually linked to their foundation and unhealed parental wounds.

The good part is that you can change all this by using science-backed techniques to help yourself make a difference and regulate your nervous system to accept new ways that may be what your heart and mind need to finally find peace and genuine love.

We are so much stronger than we know. Healing may not be linear, but love is like medicine, so why not make it a lifestyle to operate from a place of loving energy?

Perhaps this world would be better if we could all at least stop hurting others by avoiding ourselves. Put that mirror up and deeply dive into your internal insecurities; they are there for a reason. They aren't your enemy; they are there to tell you - you can do better if you want to. They tell you exactly what you need to work on, but society has made you think that insecurities are immediately negative. And guess what? If you do not want to fix something, that is no longer an insecurity - it is a conscious choice. Give whatever that is the love it deserves for what it is.

The only way out is through!

Perhaps I need to create an e-book that explains the problem in detail and offers ways to relieve yourself or try to.