The Truth Behind The Apple That Did Not Fall Under The Tree

In my last blog post, I touched on how much of what we feel are often things our parents may have felt at some point. I mentioned that the apple falls under the tree, but since I posted that, I have meant to share the other side. Life is not black and white, so there is the other side of this where the apple may fall, and it may roll and roll and roll into the rabbit hole.

This can lead children to act out of character, acting very differently from their parents' expectations. You usually start to see this, perhaps in young adulthood or earlier. Every situation is unique. Of course, when I say act out - I do not mean lightly changing their ways but drastically. It can look from one extreme to the other. It can look like complete isolation, fear, or even explosive behaviors.

This often leaves the parents wondering where they went wrong. Sometimes, the truth is that it is all in the fine details, and parents are unaware of every action their child takes or is taken toward them.

Let me clarify something: If you have verbally, emotionally, physically, or mentally abused your child, or if you prioritize your needs over theirs, stop looking elsewhere for the reasons behind their behavior. Thanks to you, your child will tread carefully until they find the strength within themselves to be resilient and understand that if they ever have the opportunity to be a parent, they know exactly what they would never do—because of you. Any further negative experiences will only add to their challenges, and this message isn't for you. Stop reading.

If by any chance you're still here, and you may not have been the perfect mother or father but did your best - don't be hard on yourself. You do not deserve that, but if you find that your child acts out and has not been diagnosed by a professional for any neurological or mental health concerns - this is the cold truth:

You missed something!

It is that simple and that complex.

You missed something so alarming, perhaps life-threatening and life-altering. You missed it, and they never told you. Or maybe they tried, but you were too busy with your responsibilities and the stress of your everyday life - that you bypassed it. Children tell us through drawings, through pretend, through avoidance, and sometimes through isolation.

It could have been uncomfortable for them to share, maybe something they did not understand when it happened. The point is you missed it, and you are experiencing the aftermath of perhaps a moment in their life when they needed you, and you weren't there. Do you see how this can turn into rage and anger? Maybe they needed your protection and were left unguarded. Can you feel how this moment of suffocation in their life can turn them into the person they needed but with emphasis on their actions?

It could have happened amongst "friends" in the playground, during or after school, at a friend's house, while walking home, or at a party. It could have been something that was said or something that was done. Your child could have been bullied, socially ridiculed, or kicked around. Things could have been stolen from them. They could have been threatened daily or once. It may not have been one thing; maybe it was multiple.

Parents cannot monitor their children 24/7. Parenting is not an easy job, and it is not for everyone. In my opinion, some never deserve to be parents because of how they handled other parents' children. Instead, they deserve a special place in hell, but we will leave that for another time.

Now, I will leave you with this bit of information, and I want you NOT to take it lightly:

Over 80% of perpetrators of child sexual abuse are relatives or family friends. 1 in 8 boys are raped, and 1 in 4 girls. Can you take a moment and let them sink in?

Statistically speaking, it can take a man over 20 years to admit he has been raped, and do you have any idea what silent torture can do?

The pedophiles go undetected because they are usually people the child was supposed to be protected by. They were introduced as someone the family trusted and bonded with. It can occur with strangers, but it is less likely.

The craziest part is that, with time, the child and the perpetrator may bond. There is a name for this: STOCKHOLM SYNDROME.

I am not saying this has happened to your child, but CSA is more common than most of us want to accept, and it could happen to any family member right under your nose. There is also something else - called grooming. When this occurs, the symptoms and the perpetrator's characteristics are similar. The consequences are just as chronic and catastrophic.

Trust is beautiful, but when it comes to your children, be very careful. Sometimes, you can be the perfect parent, but it only takes one sick individual to destroy their internal world for the rest of their life.